It's Friday, and that we means we all deserve a few minutes diplacement activity courtesy of the traditional Forum novelty thread.

It's in the form of a poker game. The currency? Your absurd, unusual or otherwise noteworthy job, temporary or permanent.

Under the gun I'll start with a string bet, but neither of these will take the pot, I wager:

1/ A summer job hoovering clear the warren of ducts below a Johnson & Johnson talcum powder factory, breathing apparatus and all. Just as well I wasn't a cocaine abuser. Imagine losing your stash down there.

2/ A one day temp job testing life rafts in the solent. They loaded us in, one by one, until it started to sink. No joke. Call me Johnny Boatman.

You're all invited to the game. All you need is a daft job and a chair. Commie Boy, Pete B, Mob, DY, assorted Simons, Daz007, Prince Charles et al. Any callers or raisers?

JLeH

PS Astronaut? You've got pocket rockets!

I once had an interview with a husband/wife company that made fetish porn. It was devoted to women's wrestling and fighting. Being interviewed in their house in Surrey across the family dinner table with examples of their product scattered across it was quite surreal. It's weird to be discussing your past jobs and future goals when there are pictures of topless women wearing boxing gloves all over the place.

I must write about this on my site one day.

DY

Shampoo factory aged 17. You finished early on Friday, went to the pub, threw 6 pints back in hour and went back for 3 hours' overtime. Monday, you spent the first couple of hours correcting the gaffes made by the Friday crew.

You either worked in "warehouse" and had spectacularly failed to stack a pallet higher than 2 boxes (or had taped up the boxes in such a way that there was no chance any shampoo bottles would still be inside at the other end OR

You worked on "production line" where your only chance to get an impromptu wee wee break was to accidentally "miss" with a batch of shampoo and they then had to shut down the conveyor belt for ages to clean up all the goo. Meanwhile, no-one in the "warehouse" would have noticed of course, and empty boxes would still be taped up and mis-stacked on the back of pallets.

Oh what fun. No wonder I suddenly found the inspiration to do my A levels after all.....

--Previous Message--
: I once had an interview with a husband/wife
: company that made fetish porn. It was devoted
: to women's wrestling and fighting. Being
: interviewed in their house in Surrey across
: the family dinner table with examples of
: their product scattered across it was quite
: surreal. It's weird to be discussing your
: past jobs and future goals when there are
: pictures of topless women wearing boxing
: gloves all over the place.
: I must write about this on my site one day.
: DY
:
:

I think I had the worst job of all time. When I was 14 a local 9 hole golf course was being built and they required a team of helpers to "prepare" the course, with "performance related pay"

So I drum up a teamm of my mates from school and 15 of us head out to the course where we meet "big gogsy" who will be in charge of us for the day. There was a slight alarm bell going off here as "gogsy" appeared. All 6ft4, broad shouldered, horrid 70s porno tache and a hankering for rothman ciggaretes like Alex Higgins on a four day bender of him. His handshake made me realise very quickly that we would be working very hard.

"see that f)("ing field up there lads"
we all look round at a barren piece of grass which would not look out of place in the bush of austrailia
"its covered in F';~cking stones"
One of my mates made a slight gargling sound as if he was about to choke.

"guess what....you little ****S will be cleaning the place up by picking all the stones up so that the grass cutters can get on with the work on the weekend"

There was one of those moments, a feeling in the air which would have not been dissimalar to entering a german concentration camp in 1940....we were doomed. One lad made a run for it...gogsy was prepared, his son ran after and rugby tackled the lad. It was like a nightmare.

Too rub salt in our acid burns, gogsy also reminded us that performance related pay meant we would be getting "paid f**k all unless we pick upi 10 boxes of stones every today"

Team morale.... bugger sending them to Iraq with a country on their back...try sending 15 14year old kids to pick up stones for big gogsy. We completed it however and were rewarded 10 quid a day!!

If only I knew how to play speed tourneys then!


--Previous Message--
: Shampoo factory aged 17. You finished early on
: Friday, went to the pub, threw 6 pints back
: in hour and went back for 3 hours' overtime.
: Monday, you spent the first couple of hours
: correcting the gaffes made by the Friday
: crew.
: You either worked in "warehouse"
: and had spectacularly failed to stack a
: pallet higher than 2 boxes (or had taped up
: the boxes in such a way that there was no
: chance any shampoo bottles would still be
: inside at the other end OR
: You worked on "production line"
: where your only chance to get an impromptu
: wee wee break was to accidentally
: "miss" with a batch of shampoo and
: they then had to shut down the conveyor belt
: for ages to clean up all the goo. Meanwhile,
: no-one in the "warehouse" would
: have noticed of course, and empty boxes would
: still be taped up and mis-stacked on the back
: of pallets.
: Oh what fun. No wonder I suddenly found the
: inspiration to do my A levels after all.....
: --Previous Message--
: I once had an interview with a husband/wife
: company that made fetish porn. It was devoted
: to women's wrestling and fighting. Being
: interviewed in their house in Surrey across
: the family dinner table with examples of
: their product scattered across it was quite
: surreal. It's weird to be discussing your
: past jobs and future goals when there are
: pictures of topless women wearing boxing
: gloves all over the place.
: I must write about this on my site one day.
: DY
:
: :
:

I worked for one of the worst temping agencies that existed when I was 16. All the other agencies were full so a few of us ended up taking what we could get with this back street monkey house in Slough. In the middle of the hotest summer for many years we were sent out onto the A4 dual carriageway with 10 cones , two spades , a pair of marigolds and some bottles of chemicals (covered in Eastern block writing and black skulls) to scrape up the baked hard animal remains from car related accidents. The tyre-tracked , maggot ridden hedgehog images will stay with me for a long time. It was the worst thing you could wish to see when carrying a previous nights Diamond White hangover. The most stubborn 'stain' was the two hours spent trying to 'peel' half a deer off some freshly laid tarmac near the Uxbridge Road during morning rush hour.

We asked for another assignment and got sent to the industrial estate. We killed bugs and cockroaches round the sugar factory near Mars fully 'tooled' up with bits of wood as chemicals were banned and they had to be 'taken out by hand'. Then after waging a two day insect war in this giant warehouse my mate got put into one of those companies that made candy cigarettes. Him and four others did 15 minute shifts stirring the vats of sugar goo. You couldnt stir it with anything metal and it was too hot for plastic so they would glove him up to his shoulders and he would stand in between two vats, stick his arms in up to his pits and move his arms in a circular motion. The temperature was in the hundreds and at the end off the days his shoulders and arm pits were peeling and he had muscles like Jean Paul Sigmusson !!

--Previous Message--
: : I think I had the worst job of all time. When
: I was 14 a local 9 hole golf course was being
: built and they required a team of helpers to
: "prepare" the course, with
: "performance related pay"
: So I drum up a teamm of my mates from school
: and 15 of us head out to the course where we
: meet "big gogsy" who will be in
: charge of us for the day. There was a slight
: alarm bell going off here as
: "gogsy" appeared. All 6ft4, broad
: shouldered, horrid 70s porno tache and a
: hankering for rothman ciggaretes like Alex
: Higgins on a four day bender of him. His
: handshake made me realise very quickly that
: we would be working very hard.
: "see that f)("ing field up there
: lads"
: we all look round at a barren piece of grass
: which would not look out of place in the bush
: of austrailia
: "its covered in F';~cking stones"
: One of my mates made a slight gargling sound
: as if he was about to choke.
: "guess what....you little ****S will be
: cleaning the place up by picking all the
: stones up so that the grass cutters can get
: on with the work on the weekend"
: There was one of those moments, a feeling in
: the air which would have not been dissimalar
: to entering a german concentration camp in
: 1940....we were doomed. One lad made a run
: for it...gogsy was prepared, his son ran
: after and rugby tackled the lad. It was like
: a nightmare.
: Too rub salt in our acid burns, gogsy also
: reminded us that performance related pay
: meant we would be getting "paid f**k all
: unless we pick upi 10 boxes of stones every
: today"
: Team morale.... bugger sending them to Iraq
: with a country on their back...try sending 15
: 14year old kids to pick up stones for big
: gogsy. We completed it however and were
: rewarded 10 quid a day!!
: If only I knew how to play speed tourneys
: then!
:
: --Previous Message--
: Shampoo factory aged 17. You finished early
: on
: Friday, went to the pub, threw 6 pints back
: in hour and went back for 3 hours' overtime.
: Monday, you spent the first couple of hours
: correcting the gaffes made by the Friday
: crew.
: You either worked in "warehouse"
: and had spectacularly failed to stack a
: pallet higher than 2 boxes (or had taped up
: the boxes in such a way that there was no
: chance any shampoo bottles would still be
: inside at the other end OR
: You worked on "production line"
: where your only chance to get an impromptu
: wee wee break was to accidentally
: "miss" with a batch of shampoo and
: they then had to shut down the conveyor belt
: for ages to clean up all the goo. Meanwhile,
: no-one in the "warehouse" would
: have noticed of course, and empty boxes would
: still be taped up and mis-stacked on the back
: of pallets.
: Oh what fun. No wonder I suddenly found the
: inspiration to do my A levels after all.....
: --Previous Message--
: I once had an interview with a husband/wife
: company that made fetish porn. It was devoted
: to women's wrestling and fighting. Being
: interviewed in their house in Surrey across
: the family dinner table with examples of
: their product scattered across it was quite
: surreal. It's weird to be discussing your
: past jobs and future goals when there are
: pictures of topless women wearing boxing
: gloves all over the place.
: I must write about this on my site one day.
: DY
:
: : :
:

When I was 20 and at a loose end in the summer holiday before my final year of university, I decided to sign up to a temping agency to make a little money. I did a succession of kitchen jobs at 3 per hour. I started to get pissed off with the agency for not being 100 per cent honest with me or the client companies. It's annoying to arrive at the employer of the day to be asked 'Where's your hat? We were assured that you had your own hat.'

But I got really pissed off one day when I arrived at a job at one school's kitchen to discover on arrival that I was only wanted for four hours, meaning that I could only earn 12 for the day. It didn't seem worth it. As the hours were 10-2 I asked when we stopped to eat.

The woman said 'It's only a four-hour job, so we don't have to give you a break or any food'. I was used to working in jobs where the kitchen staff ate from what was unsold, so this was a bit of a shock, but she said that I could have a cheese sandwich.

Half way through the day I ate the cheese sandwich and went back to washing-up plates. After about 20 minutes of sweating, I decided that I had had enough. I didn't really need the money. I wasn't going to make much from a 4-hour job and I was furious with the temping agency for its lies.

I pulled off my gloves and told the woman running the show that I had had enough. As I headed for the car park, she shouted 'You could have said this before you had the sandwich!!'

DY

--Previous Message--
: I worked for one of the worst temping agencies
: that existed when I was 16. All the other
: agencies were full so a few of us ended up
: taking what we could get with this back
: street monkey house in Slough. In the middle
: of the hotest summer for many years we were
: sent out onto the A4 dual carriageway with 10
: cones , two spades , a pair of marigolds and
: some bottles of chemicals (covered in Eastern
: block writing and black skulls) to scrape up
: the baked hard animal remains from car
: related accidents. The tyre-tracked , maggot
: ridden hedgehog images will stay with me for
: a long time. It was the worst thing you could
: wish to see when carrying a previous nights
: Diamond White hangover. The most stubborn
: 'stain' was the two hours spent trying to
: 'peel' half a deer off some freshly laid
: tarmac near the Uxbridge Road during morning
: rush hour.
: We asked for another assignment and got sent
: to the industrial estate. We killed bugs and
: cockroaches round the sugar factory near Mars
: fully 'tooled' up with bits of wood as
: chemicals were banned and they had to be
: 'taken out by hand'. Then after waging a two
: day insect war in this giant warehouse my
: mate got put into one of those companies that
: made candy cigarettes. Him and four others
: did 15 minute shifts stirring the vats of
: sugar goo. You couldnt stir it with anything
: metal and it was too hot for plastic so they
: would glove him up to his shoulders and he
: would stand in between two vats, stick his
: arms in up to his pits and move his arms in a
: circular motion. The temperature was in the
: hundreds and at the end off the days his
: shoulders and arm pits were peeling and he
: had muscles like Jean Paul Sigmusson !!
: --Previous Message--
: : I think I had the worst job of all time.
: When
: I was 14 a local 9 hole golf course was being
: built and they required a team of helpers to
: "prepare" the course, with
: "performance related pay"
: So I drum up a teamm of my mates from school
: and 15 of us head out to the course where we
: meet "big gogsy" who will be in
: charge of us for the day. There was a slight
: alarm bell going off here as
: "gogsy" appeared. All 6ft4, broad
: shouldered, horrid 70s porno tache and a
: hankering for rothman ciggaretes like Alex
: Higgins on a four day bender of him. His
: handshake made me realise very quickly that
: we would be working very hard.
: "see that f)("ing field up there
: lads"
: we all look round at a barren piece of grass
: which would not look out of place in the bush
: of austrailia
: "its covered in F';~cking stones"
: One of my mates made a slight gargling sound
: as if he was about to choke.
: "guess what....you little ****S will be
: cleaning the place up by picking all the
: stones up so that the grass cutters can get
: on with the work on the weekend"
: There was one of those moments, a feeling in
: the air which would have not been dissimalar
: to entering a german concentration camp in
: 1940....we were doomed. One lad made a run
: for it...gogsy was prepared, his son ran
: after and rugby tackled the lad. It was like
: a nightmare.
: Too rub salt in our acid burns, gogsy also
: reminded us that performance related pay
: meant we would be getting "paid f**k all
: unless we pick upi 10 boxes of stones every
: today"
: Team morale.... bugger sending them to Iraq
: with a country on their back...try sending 15
: 14year old kids to pick up stones for big
: gogsy. We completed it however and were
: rewarded 10 quid a day!!
: If only I knew how to play speed tourneys
: then!
:
: --Previous Message--
: Shampoo factory aged 17. You finished early
: on
: Friday, went to the pub, threw 6 pints back
: in hour and went back for 3 hours' overtime.
: Monday, you spent the first couple of hours
: correcting the gaffes made by the Friday
: crew.
: You either worked in "warehouse"
: and had spectacularly failed to stack a
: pallet higher than 2 boxes (or had taped up
: the boxes in such a way that there was no
: chance any shampoo bottles would still be
: inside at the other end OR
: You worked on "production line"
: where your only chance to get an impromptu
: wee wee break was to accidentally
: "miss" with a batch of shampoo and
: they then had to shut down the conveyor belt
: for ages to clean up all the goo. Meanwhile,
: no-one in the "warehouse" would
: have noticed of course, and empty boxes would
: still be taped up and mis-stacked on the back
: of pallets.
: Oh what fun. No wonder I suddenly found the
: inspiration to do my A levels after all.....
: --Previous Message--
: I once had an interview with a husband/wife
: company that made fetish porn. It was devoted
: to women's wrestling and fighting. Being
: interviewed in their house in Surrey across
: the family dinner table with examples of
: their product scattered across it was quite
: surreal. It's weird to be discussing your
: past jobs and future goals when there are
: pictures of topless women wearing boxing
: gloves all over the place.
: I must write about this on my site one day.
: DY
:
: :
: :
:

I too got a job in a kitchen, that of a local Italian restaurant in Southsea. They pointed me at what they felt was the no-brainer task to ease me in: the washing up.

One hour later the resident mamma came over, gently pushed 20 into my hand and explained that they would have to let me go. Not only had I been holding up each plate to the light to check I had done a good job, apparently slowing down the whole operation, I had somehow managed to chip virtually every one of their finest dinner service plates.

This was all just before I was due to sit exams for university, and briefly caused a crisis of confidence as I wondered whether I was fundamentally unemployable. Then I realised that, yep, I was fundamentally unemployable and the anguish passed in an instant.

I have been fired since, soon after I arrived in London fresh from college. It was from the Victoria station outlet of "Casey Jones" burgers (remember them?), for breaking the "golden" rule and refusing to ask every customer if they wanted fries with their order.

As for Keith's post, "scraping up the baked hard animal remains from car related accidents" sounded like a fantastically hideous job, and perhaps even shades my strong pocket pair: being sent into the bowels of a giant 80ft drum in an Alaskan salmon cannery, into which the discarded innards of the fish off the production line were cast. A lorry came along every week, a suction tube was attached and out spewed the rotting remnants. But someone had to climb down into it to push those last bits towards the pipe hole. Have you any idea how big maggots grow when they have tons of finest fish remains to gorge on for a week? And the stench? Gagarama.

We drew lots to see who would do the job and my friend Paul and I came up short. I still have the photos to show for it. And I've been known as Lucky Lord Le Huquet ever since.

JLeH

--Previous Message--
: When I was 20 and at a loose end in the summer
: holiday before my final year of university, I
: decided to sign up to a temping agency to
: make a little money. I did a succession of
: kitchen jobs at 3 per hour. I started to get
: pissed off with the agency for not being 100
: per cent honest with me or the client
: companies. It's annoying to arrive at the
: employer of the day to be asked 'Where's
: your hat? We were assured that you had your
: own hat.'
: But I got really pissed off one day when I
: arrived at a job at one school's kitchen to
: discover on arrival that I was only wanted
: for four hours, meaning that I could only
: earn 12 for the day. It didn't seem worth
: it. As the hours were 10-2 I asked when we
: stopped to eat.
: The woman said 'It's only a four-hour job, so
: we don't have to give you a break or any
: food'. I was used to working in jobs where
: the kitchen staff ate from what was unsold,
: so this was a bit of a shock, but she said
: that I could have a cheese sandwich.
: Half way through the day I ate the cheese
: sandwich and went back to washing-up plates.
: After about 20 minutes of sweating, I decided
: that I had had enough. I didn't really need
: the money. I wasn't going to make much from a
: 4-hour job and I was furious with the temping
: agency for its lies.
: I pulled off my gloves and told the woman
: running the show that I had had enough. As I
: headed for the car park, she shouted 'You
: could have said this before you had the
: sandwich!!'
: DY
: --Previous Message--
: I worked for one of the worst temping
: agencies
: that existed when I was 16. All the other
: agencies were full so a few of us ended up
: taking what we could get with this back
: street monkey house in Slough. In the middle
: of the hotest summer for many years we were
: sent out onto the A4 dual carriageway with 10
: cones , two spades , a pair of marigolds and
: some bottles of chemicals (covered in Eastern
: block writing and black skulls) to scrape up
: the baked hard animal remains from car
: related accidents. The tyre-tracked , maggot
: ridden hedgehog images will stay with me for
: a long time. It was the worst thing you could
: wish to see when carrying a previous nights
: Diamond White hangover. The most stubborn
: 'stain' was the two hours spent trying to
: 'peel' half a deer off some freshly laid
: tarmac near the Uxbridge Road during morning
: rush hour.
: We asked for another assignment and got sent
: to the industrial estate. We killed bugs and
: cockroaches round the sugar factory near Mars
: fully 'tooled' up with bits of wood as
: chemicals were banned and they had to be
: 'taken out by hand'. Then after waging a two
: day insect war in this giant warehouse my
: mate got put into one of those companies that
: made candy cigarettes. Him and four others
: did 15 minute shifts stirring the vats of
: sugar goo. You couldnt stir it with anything
: metal and it was too hot for plastic so they
: would glove him up to his shoulders and he
: would stand in between two vats, stick his
: arms in up to his pits and move his arms in a
: circular motion. The temperature was in the
: hundreds and at the end off the days his
: shoulders and arm pits were peeling and he
: had muscles like Jean Paul Sigmusson !!
: --Previous Message--
: : I think I had the worst job of all time.
: When
: I was 14 a local 9 hole golf course was being
: built and they required a team of helpers to
: "prepare" the course, with
: "performance related pay"
: So I drum up a teamm of my mates from school
: and 15 of us head out to the course where we
: meet "big gogsy" who will be in
: charge of us for the day. There was a slight
: alarm bell going off here as
: "gogsy" appeared. All 6ft4, broad
: shouldered, horrid 70s porno tache and a
: hankering for rothman ciggaretes like Alex
: Higgins on a four day bender of him. His
: handshake made me realise very quickly that
: we would be working very hard.
: "see that f)("ing field up there
: lads"
: we all look round at a barren piece of grass
: which would not look out of place in the bush
: of austrailia
: "its covered in F';~cking stones"
: One of my mates made a slight gargling sound
: as if he was about to choke.
: "guess what....you little ****S will be
: cleaning the place up by picking all the
: stones up so that the grass cutters can get
: on with the work on the weekend"
: There was one of those moments, a feeling in
: the air which would have not been dissimalar
: to entering a german concentration camp in
: 1940....we were doomed. One lad made a run
: for it...gogsy was prepared, his son ran
: after and rugby tackled the lad. It was like
: a nightmare.
: Too rub salt in our acid burns, gogsy also
: reminded us that performance related pay
: meant we would be getting "paid f**k all
: unless we pick upi 10 boxes of stones every
: today"
: Team morale.... bugger sending them to Iraq
: with a country on their back...try sending 15
: 14year old kids to pick up stones for big
: gogsy. We completed it however and were
: rewarded 10 quid a day!!
: If only I knew how to play speed tourneys
: then!
:
: --Previous Message--
: Shampoo factory aged 17. You finished early
: on
: Friday, went to the pub, threw 6 pints back
: in hour and went back for 3 hours' overtime.
: Monday, you spent the first couple of hours
: correcting the gaffes made by the Friday
: crew.
: You either worked in "warehouse"
: and had spectacularly failed to stack a
: pallet higher than 2 boxes (or had taped up
: the boxes in such a way that there was no
: chance any shampoo bottles would still be
: inside at the other end OR
: You worked on "production line"
: where your only chance to get an impromptu
: wee wee break was to accidentally
: "miss" with a batch of shampoo and
: they then had to shut down the conveyor belt
: for ages to clean up all the goo. Meanwhile,
: no-one in the "warehouse" would
: have noticed of course, and empty boxes would
: still be taped up and mis-stacked on the back
: of pallets.
: Oh what fun. No wonder I suddenly found the
: inspiration to do my A levels after all.....
: --Previous Message--
: I once had an interview with a husband/wife
: company that made fetish porn. It was devoted
: to women's wrestling and fighting. Being
: interviewed in their house in Surrey across
: the family dinner table with examples of
: their product scattered across it was quite
: surreal. It's weird to be discussing your
: past jobs and future goals when there are
: pictures of topless women wearing boxing
: gloves all over the place.
: I must write about this on my site one day.
: DY
:
: : :
: :
:
:
:
:

When I was twenty I spent a wonderful Summer in LA - buffing and polishing a gorgeous, very successful thirty year old actress...there was nothing to it...I even enjoyed it.

KEATING

Lassie?
_________________
"Where you and Dominic differ from me, David, is that I do believe in the Nanny State."

Victoria Coren explains her opposition to the liberalisation of super-casinos, while smoking.

--Previous Message--
Now, now David. You'll be asking if she's got a sister next.

JLeH.

PS Couldn't resist the thread title, which harks back to a scene from one of several anecdotes DY and I swapped over a babycham at the Vic last night: I had the "job" once of escorting erstwhile Liberal Party leader Jeremy Thorpe through a bar filled with drunken students, not long after the Norman Scott/murdered dog scandal. As we walked the gauntlet the room quitened, only for the air to be punctured by cringeworthy cries of "woof, woof, bang". Thorpe seemed less embarassed by the ribaldry than me, as I remember.

: When I was 20 and at a loose end in the summer holiday before my final year of
: university, I decided to sign up to a temping agency to make a little money. I
: did a succession of kitchen jobs at 3 per hour. I started to get pissed off
: with the agency for not being 100 per cent honest with me or the client
: companies. It's annoying to arrive at the employer of the day to be asked
: 'Where's your hat? We were assured that you had your own hat.'
:
: But I got really pissed off one day when I arrived at a job at one school's
: kitchen to discover on arrival that I was only wanted for four hours, meaning
: that I could only earn 12 for the day. It didn't seem worth it. As the hours
: were 10-2 I asked when we stopped to eat.
:
: The woman said 'It's only a four-hour job, so we don't have to give you a
: break or any food'. I was used to working in jobs where the kitchen staff ate
: from what was unsold, so this was a bit of a shock, but she said that I could
: have a cheese sandwich.
:
: Half way through the day I ate the cheese sandwich and went back to washing-up
: plates. After about 20 minutes of sweating, I decided that I had had enough. I
: didn't really need the money. I wasn't going to make much from a 4-hour job and
: I was furious with the temping agency for its lies.
:
: I pulled off my gloves and told the woman running the show that I had had
: enough. As I headed for the car park, she shouted 'You could have said this
: before you had the sandwich!!'
:
: DY
:
: --Previous Message--
: : I worked for one of the worst temping agencies
: : that existed when I was 16. All the other
: : agencies were full so a few of us ended up
: : taking what we could get with this back
: : street monkey house in Slough. In the middle
: : of the hotest summer for many years we were
: : sent out onto the A4 dual carriageway with 10
: : cones , two spades , a pair of marigolds and
: : some bottles of chemicals (covered in Eastern
: : block writing and black skulls) to scrape up
: : the baked hard animal remains from car
: : related accidents. The tyre-tracked , maggot
: : ridden hedgehog images will stay with me for
: : a long time. It was the worst thing you could
: : wish to see when carrying a previous nights
: : Diamond White hangover. The most stubborn
: : 'stain' was the two hours spent trying to
: : 'peel' half a deer off some freshly laid
: : tarmac near the Uxbridge Road during morning
: : rush hour.
: : We asked for another assignment and got sent
: : to the industrial estate. We killed bugs and
: : cockroaches round the sugar factory near Mars
: : fully 'tooled' up with bits of wood as
: : chemicals were banned and they had to be
: : 'taken out by hand'. Then after waging a two
: : day insect war in this giant warehouse my
: : mate got put into one of those companies that
: : made candy cigarettes. Him and four others
: : did 15 minute shifts stirring the vats of
: : sugar goo. You couldnt stir it with anything
: : metal and it was too hot for plastic so they
: : would glove him up to his shoulders and he
: : would stand in between two vats, stick his
: : arms in up to his pits and move his arms in a
: : circular motion. The temperature was in the
: : hundreds and at the end off the days his
: : shoulders and arm pits were peeling and he
: : had muscles like Jean Paul Sigmusson !!
: : --Previous Message--
: : : I think I had the worst job of all time.
: : When
: : I was 14 a local 9 hole golf course was being
: : built and they required a team of helpers to
: : "prepare" the course, with
: : "performance related pay"
: : So I drum up a teamm of my mates from school
: : and 15 of us head out to the course where we
: : meet "big gogsy" who will be in
: : charge of us for the day. There was a slight
: : alarm bell going off here as
: : "gogsy" appeared. All 6ft4, broad
: : shouldered, horrid 70s porno tache and a
: : hankering for rothman ciggaretes like Alex
: : Higgins on a four day bender of him. His
: : handshake made me realise very quickly that
: : we would be working very hard.
: : "see that f)("ing field up there
: : lads"
: : we all look round at a barren piece of grass
: : which would not look out of place in the bush
: : of austrailia
: : "its covered in F';~cking stones"
: : One of my mates made a slight gargling sound
: : as if he was about to choke.
: : "guess what....you little ****S will be
: : cleaning the place up by picking all the
: : stones up so that the grass cutters can get
: : on with the work on the weekend"
: : There was one of those moments, a feeling in
: : the air which would have not been dissimalar
: : to entering a german concentration camp in
: : 1940....we were doomed. One lad made a run
: : for it...gogsy was prepared, his son ran
: : after and rugby tackled the lad. It was like
: : a nightmare.
: : Too rub salt in our acid burns, gogsy also
: : reminded us that performance related pay
: : meant we would be getting "paid f**k all
: : unless we pick upi 10 boxes of stones every
: : today"
: : Team morale.... bugger sending them to Iraq
: : with a country on their back...try sending 15
: : 14year old kids to pick up stones for big
: : gogsy. We completed it however and were
: : rewarded 10 quid a day!!
: : If only I knew how to play speed tourneys
: : then!
: :
: : --Previous Message--
: : Shampoo factory aged 17. You finished early
: : on
: : Friday, went to the pub, threw 6 pints back
: : in hour and went back for 3 hours' overtime.
: : Monday, you spent the first couple of hours
: : correcting the gaffes made by the Friday
: : crew.
: : You either worked in "warehouse"
: : and had spectacularly failed to stack a
: : pallet higher than 2 boxes (or had taped up
: : the boxes in such a way that there was no
: : chance any shampoo bottles would still be
: : inside at the other end OR
: : You worked on "production line"
: : where your only chance to get an impromptu
: : wee wee break was to accidentally
: : "miss" with a batch of shampoo and
: : they then had to shut down the conveyor belt
: : for ages to clean up all the goo. Meanwhile,
: : no-one in the "warehouse" would
: : have noticed of course, and empty boxes would
: : still be taped up and mis-stacked on the back
: : of pallets.
: : Oh what fun. No wonder I suddenly found the
: : inspiration to do my A levels after all.....
: : --Previous Message--
: : I once had an interview with a husband/wife
: : company that made fetish porn. It was devoted
: : to women's wrestling and fighting. Being
: : interviewed in their house in Surrey across
: : the family dinner table with examples of
: : their product scattered across it was quite
: : surreal. It's weird to be discussing your
: : past jobs and future goals when there are
: : pictures of topless women wearing boxing
: : gloves all over the place.
: : I must write about this on my site one day.
: : DY
: :
: : :
: : :
: :

Doggy style did come into it as it happens...

--Previous Message--

: I worked for one of the worst temping agencies that existed when I was 16. All
: the other agencies were full so a few of us ended up taking what we could get
: with this back street monkey house in Slough. In the middle of the hotest summer
: for many years we were sent out onto the A4 dual carriageway with 10 cones , two
: spades , a pair of marigolds and some bottles of chemicals (covered in Eastern
: block writing and black skulls) to scrape up the baked hard animal remains from
: car related accidents. The tyre-tracked , maggot ridden hedgehog images will
: stay with me for a long time. It was the worst thing you could wish to see when
: carrying a previous nights Diamond White hangover. The most stubborn 'stain' was
: the two hours spent trying to 'peel' half a deer off some freshly laid tarmac
: near the Uxbridge Road during morning rush hour.
:
: We asked for another assignment and got sent to the industrial estate. We
: killed bugs and cockroaches round the sugar factory near Mars fully 'tooled' up
: with bits of wood as chemicals were banned and they had to be 'taken out by
: hand'. Then after waging a two day insect war in this giant warehouse my mate
: got put into one of those companies that made candy cigarettes. Him and four
: others did 15 minute shifts stirring the vats of sugar goo. You couldnt stir it
: with anything metal and it was too hot for plastic so they would glove him up to

(...)

Only just spotted this one. None for me I'm afraid (not many jobs in North Korea!) but Mrs Commie has a good one. She once worked as a chambermaid. Notable highlights apart from the compulsory sticky tissues and crusty sheets included cleaning shi t from out of the bath and my favourite, trying to remove a pair of sick covered man's trousers from half way down the toilet. They had obviously attempted to flush them, but with no success they'd tried finishing off the job by pushing them down with the toilet brush. Nice.

CB


--Previous Message--

: It's Friday, and that we means we all deserve a few minutes diplacement
: activity courtesy of the traditional Forum novelty thread.
:
: It's in the form of a poker game. The currency? Your absurd, unusual or
: otherwise noteworthy job, temporary or permanent.
:
: Under the gun I'll start with a string bet, but neither of these will take the
: pot, I wager:
:
: 1/ A summer job hoovering clear the warren of ducts below a Johnson & Johnson
: talcum powder factory, breathing apparatus and all. Just as well I wasn't a
: cocaine abuser. Imagine losing your stash down there.
:
: 2/ A one day temp job testing life rafts in the solent. They loaded us in, one
: by one, until it started to sink. No joke. Call me Johnny Boatman.
:
: You're all invited to the game. All you need is a daft job and a chair. Commie
: Boy, Pete B, Mob, DY, assorted Simons, Daz007, Prince Charles et al. Any callers
: or raisers?

(...)

I had a really wierd job in September last year but its so long ago now I don't know why I'd bring it up again.

--Previous Message--

: Only just spotted this one. None for me Im afraid (not many jobs in
: North Korea!) but Mrs Commie has a good one. She once worked as a chambermaid.
: Notable highlights apart from the compulsory sticky tissues and crusty sheets
: included cleaning shi t from out of the bath and my favourite, trying to remove
: a pair of sick covered mans trousers from half way down the toilet. They
: had obviously attempted to flush them, but with no success theyd tried
: finishing off the job by pushing them down with the toilet brush. Nice.
:
: CB
:
: --Previous Message--
:
: It's Friday, and that we means we all deserve a few minutes diplacement
: activity courtesy of the traditional Forum novelty thread.
:
: It's in the form of a poker game. The currency? Your absurd, unusual or
: otherwise noteworthy job, temporary or permanent.
:
: Under the gun I'll start with a string bet, but neither of these will take

(...)